2003-05-21 - 10:48 a.m.
What is wrong with me? I think I'm going absolutely looney or something. Maybe not, maybe I'm just over thinking/reacting. Maybe not. I cam home yesterday to my wife (who was home sick for 2 days) laying in bed. i wouldn't have known anything, if it hadn't of been for the clean sheets. So, afer inquiring about the clean sheets I found out that my lovely wife, of almost a year, who won't give it up to me, rented porn off the tv for 15.99. What the fuck?!!? I have been trying to get her to let me fuck her everyday for the past 2 weeks. She is always too tired, but she isn't too tired for 16 buck porn on tv. I guess it's just me. I don't think she is attracted to me anymore. I got too fat, not that she's a thinny skinny or anything. But I am really horny. I want to have sex. I want to have it with her, not by myself, not with someone else, with her. Dammit. I tried expressing this to the wife, and I just get ignored, or evil looks. How am I supposed to go through life without sex? She used to want it all the time. I'm sick of her falling asleep on me. Every time I try to start it, she is too tired or she doesn't feel good. I'm not stupid dear, I know that is fucking bull shit. I would like to give her a taste of her own medicine, but of course, she really doesn't care and besides that, I need to take it when I can get it. Oh man, I am so fucking frustrated. I've tried all different ways, being dominating, passive etc. I really want to strap it on and give her something feirce, but we never get to the bed anymore. What am I to do? How can I make her understand how I feel? I feel like she really doesn't love me anymore. Like I'm just this convenient "best friend" that she can use when she wants to. Well, fuck that. I'm not just some piece of shit person for you to fuck around with. I have been here for almost 5 fucking years. I even asked you to marry me and went to Vermont and everything. Now you treat me like this?! Fuck you.
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