2003-05-21 - 11:54 a.m.
i am bored. i think this is becoming a problem, as i am always bored. (especially at work) I wish that i was a good writer. i mean, i know i'm not bad, but i'm much more visually inclined than verbally. i wish that with just a short sentance, i could be anywhere in the world. flying over the greenest hills of Ireland, or over the cool blue waters of the carribean. I wish that i could just make something up that pleases my brain and lets me get lost for a little while. but man, i'm so fucking lazy. all i do is go home, smoke, watch tv, eat, sleep, and if you've read the previous entry, you know what i don't do. i have started thinking about my past again a bit. it's weird what you can remember and what you thought you would. you know all those times you say, "i'll always remember this". it's funny, but i don't remember hardly anything at all. i guess i'm too much in the moment. or maybe it's a good thing to be like that. i miss my friends from College. We stopped talking at the end of my sr. year in 2000, cause i got a gf and depression, and i guess they didn't want to deal, or maybe it was my fault. who knows. sigh.
on a side note, i feel like everyone at work is reading this as they go behind my desk. I'm sure they aren't, but it's hard to tell yourself that.
i am way too ruled by my emotions. i want to turn them off. but i know it not possible. i just cry over anything now, and i feel like i'm being a bitch all the time or something. like there is someone else hidden inside trying to get out.
godess, i don't even know what i am talking about. i think i'm going crazy. someone do something, quick.
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