2004-06-11 - 9:19 a.m.
Ho hum. life is strange.
still too much to do. looking forward to getting the furniture on saturday. have to clean house too. yuck. also have to work gallery show tonight, tomorrow after furniture and sunday. saturday night bbq. too much stuff, too little time. or something.
my mind is playing tricks on me. sometimes i wake up and i'm like still in my dream and i get all confused. that sucks. it's very discombobulating.
i've also been having really weird dreams and memories lately. like everything is normal and then bam. i remember going to Fulton Mall with the girl posse in college. or brooklyn hospital with andrea when she broke her ankle. or the warm yellow light of my dorm room in the summer. i guess i miss college or ny or both or something.
sometimes a smell will trigger a whole scene of events remembered. and i was thinking about all those cool places i used to go to. coffee places at 2:00 am and internet cafes with dirty couches in the village. meow mix with the nasty blue light in that bathroom. subways full of crazy muthas trying to talk themselves out of craziness.
florida has no places like this. at least not that i would want to go to. the ghetto in brooklyn is a lot different from the ghetto here. and i bet it's different up there now too.
i miss being carefree and happy all the time. not that i was then, but i was in the same sense.
side note: i put too much sugar in my tea and it feels like i'm drinking a hard candy or something. i think i have to fix this problem
anyway. yeah. i remember so many different cool places and things and i want to go visit. but whenever we go visit, i hate the city. maybe it's cause i haven't been back to those places above mentioned. i don't know.
i have been missing other things too. complicated things. i miss my wife. i mean, she's right there with me, but i miss how we used to be together. now we bicker a lot and i hate it. i'm sure it's mostly my fault. she thinks i'm only thinking about me and what i want, but that isn't true. i just don't like when she gets so upset over little things. and when i offer to help or do whatever it is that is pissing her off, it just pisses her off more. i think she thinks that i want her to do it my way, but i just want to calm her down and help her. i'm not one to sit there and say "oh yeah, that sucks" and just sit there. i would rather say, well do you want me to make the call instead? and yeah, i may say it sort of bitchy, but that is because when someone else is all pissed off around me, i pick up on the same attitude and throw it right back.
does this even make sense? i think i'm just empathetic. or pathetic.
i cry when i hear certain songs. even if the song isn't really a sad song persay. i guess i'm just an emotional freak.
okay, i gotta work.
blessed be
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