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2003-08-22 - 10:33 a.m.

Well, another week almost gone. Damn time goes by quick. I remember being a little kid and time going so slowly. After school felt like days of playtime, snacks, tv, homework, dinner, and a host of other activities. Summer vacation was like a whole other year and a week off seemed like a month.

Now we are stuck in these stupid jobs where you are lucky if you get a week off, let alone an entire summer. 2 sick days a year when in school you used to have like 15 plus numerous vacations and holidays off. Damn, being an adult really blows.

And why do we do all this? For money. So we can eat and do things that we enjoy, except i'm so fucking tired from all this bullshit work, when i get home i don't want to do anything. I just want to watch tv and overeat until i feel better and then go to sleep. This is what i learned growing up? this is why i went to art school? to sit in an uncomfortable chair and answer the fucking phone all day? This is not what i planned for myself.

Thankfully i did find my soulmate. That was really my main goal growing up. But now it's time to change my life into what i want it to be and i am so scared of it that i just sit here, doing the same bullshit everyday, waiting for it to just happen. It isn't working. I can never be a sculptor if i don't make something. i can never be a successful artist by sitting on the couch. but i am stuck in this wheelbarrow rut and i can't seem to lift my wheel out. i'm too heavy, loaded down with garbage and boulders. the rut is too worn. i've been doing this too long.

how can i change my path?

i guess it's time to jump.

blessed be~

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