2004-07-16 - 1:47 p.m.
well it's friday which is nice since i dont' have to go to work tomorrow. but H does and that sucks. i hope this weekend is slow and relaxing although it doesn't seem like it will be. tomorrow since h is working i'll probably have to clean the house for our company tomorrow for dinner. sunday we will probably work more on the house, but who knows. neither of us have much energy lately as it's in the upper 90's everyday and just too hot to think.
i want to say thanks to everyone who has left me a note or a guestbook entry! you have made me feel loved, thank you.
i've been pondering a lot lately. thinking about my past and friends that i used to know and all different shit. i've also been cranky, so i think i'm getting my period.
i was thinking about a friend of mine that killed herself her freshmen year of high school. Utopia was the name she used. that sucked. i felt really guilty for a long time cause she was really cool and we used to hang out. she brought me to my first phish concert and we wound up having to break in cause the tix we bought were bogus and there was like a group of 30 or so of us that all snuck in through some back door. that was one of the coolest things ever. how many people can say they broke into Madison Square Garden to see Phish???? it was awesome. we were going to go see the Dead too, but we never got around to doing that. anyway, she really got me into the hippie scene ya know? the peace, music, drug scene. i met her through my other friend Alysan, they went to rehab together. ha, rehab, the only one where everyone in the group would trip on acid cause it didn't come up on the tests. anyway, i was thinking about her the other day for some reason. and i feel like it's supposed to mean something. like remind me of something. i don't know. maybe i just miss her.
so thinking about her has made me think of the other people i have lost in my life. most have just drifted away, but others have passed on. it's weird. i mean, Utopia was only 14! she had so much more to life. it was so sad. and my friend Kristin from college, her boyfriend killed himself after a long stint with heroin. fuckin drugs.
so that made me think of my sister's best friend from h.s. Lisa. lisa was awesome. she was funny and a singer songwriter. they were inseperable. totally. it was like they were sisters. we even joked about her family being my sis's other family.
anyway, she was awesome. then she started with the drinking. and the drugs. and heroin. all from this girl she started seeing. this girl was fucked. she actually showed up with my sis at H's house all coked up. we totally knew. and since they were in HS and i was worried about my sis, we totally took matters into our own hands. so finally Lisa winds up in jail in Atlanta, we lived in Jersey at the time! she called wanting bail money and we had to get her parents in touch with her and what a fucking mess. damn.
the thing is that this girl is smart, talented and just a good person. I wish none of that shit ever happened. I miss her and worry about her now. i hear she is still in the heroin. fucking shit. what is the allure of that crap anyway? i mean, shooting up? puking, losing your whole life...horrible.
okay, yeah, i gotta go. please people, remember that your actions affect others. think before you ruin your life.
blessed Be~
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