2003-07-16 - 11:33 a.m.
Apparantly everything I say to my wife, she hates. At least that is how I feel lately. I don't know why, but we have been fighting over everything lately. It really sucks cause I feel like I can't tell her how I'm feeling or she'll say "It's always about you". And I'm not trying to say I'm perfect or anything of the sort, I know I'm not, I'm far from perfect or even normal, but that doesn't mean I can't have feelings. But this is our normal argument. I guess i'm always telling her how to feel, or not to in most cases. Well, I am sort of sick of hearing the same old complaints every day. I am so sick of hearing the horror of politics day in and day out. She even calls me at work to tell me the News! When she complains about her job, I tell her, Go back to school, find a new job, she freaks and says "Yeah, that makes sense since there are just sooo many jobs out there right now." Well, then if you know you are stuck there, then deal with it and make it better. All I really ever say is "Man, I'm bored. There is nothing to do here (at work)" I don't recall ever saying "I fucking hate working here, I FUCKING HATE WORKING HERE!" or "We should have NEVER MOVED HERE! I HATE IT HERE, WE SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN NY." Well, there isn't much we can do about that now, now is there? And all this ever makes me feel is Bad. I feel like it's my fault, like somehow she is directing that towards me. I'm sure she doesn't mean to, or isn't doing it, but again (just how i feel).
I try to be a better wife. I try to be supportive, but i guess I just don't know how to do anything right.
I had to go to a wake last night. I went to support my friends who lost their mother, that i only met once. Heather wouldn't go. And even though I said it was okay, I really wished she would've gone. I hoped that as i was leaving, she would call and say, okay, come back and get me, but she didn't.
I was kind of upset, I wanted her to be there.
Well, I feel better now.
(NOTE FOR MY WIFE:
H - don't get upset at any of this, I just needed to "blow some steam". I love you honey! If I didn't I wouldn't have ever asked you to marry me, now would i have?)
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