2003-07-07 - 9:06 a.m.
So this weekend started out GREAT! I had a great time at Robin's on Friday. Everyone playing music, smoking, drinking, and just talking and having a good time. We met a woman that Robin wanted us to meet, she was cool and so was her boyfriend. I hope we can all hang out sometime. We stayed from like 5 till 12:30 until i was so fucked we had to go. luckily, i didn't have to drive! (thanks babe!)
Saturday, hmm. I can't really remember what we did. Wait a sec, it's coming to me. Okay, so I think we just went to the pet store and the grocery and cooked some dinner. The dinner would have been really good, but i overcooked it and it was dry as hell. next time it'll be good. it was a nice uneventful day overall. just hanging around with my animals and baby. Oh - we must have gone to the fish store that day too, with the rents. we got a new fish and some corals. it was cool.
sunday sucked. i was in a bad mood, my honey was in a bad mood. we ruined the most special day we should have had. i wanted to have a nice dinner, but we decided not to go out. i wanted to open up the bottle of champagne and chill out with my love, but we fought instead. we didn't even fight over anything worth it, just both cranky. so, i spent the whole day thinking that she must hate me and that i don't deserve someone, anyone, especially her. i spent the whole day hating myself and figuring if i hate myself, she must hate me too. I guess old habits are hard to break. I am such a bitch. i don't want to be, i don't mean to be, it just happens, and i let it. and i encourage it, but i don't know why, what the underlining meaning is. i just feel worthless sometimes. like i don't deserve to live or be happy. but i can't go back on that medicine. no way jose! absolutely not.
i will just suffer like usual.
maybe today will be different. i don't know how, but maybe.
blessed be~
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