2005-02-01 - 8:54 a.m.
shits gonna hit the fan anyday now and then i'll be off to nj for a funeral. never been to one yet. only wakes and those sorts of things. my granpa isn't doing good. dementia, not eating. my dad is upset. my sister upset. i don't want to have to deal with this. i wasn't expecting this. i thought it would have been grandma first. but no. then i would have been prepared. or at least a little. i'm not worried about the dying part, i know he's going to a better place so to speak. but i'm worried about the family part. about seeing my grandmother standing alone for the first time in something like 60 years. i'm worried about seeing my dad cry, his brothers and sisters crying holding their young children that don't understand death. i'm worried i won't be able to keep it together.
life is a circle of love to which there is never an end.
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