2003-10-22 - 2:06 p.m.
UGH! That is what i am feeling right now. it is a few minutes after 2 and i just finished eating my lunch. But this has been the best week of work ever, so i'm not really complaining too much if you catch my drift.
i wish everyone liked their job though. i wish i liked mine every day, but well, that might never happen.
H is not in a good mood at all today. I know how much she hates her job and i feel bad, but there isn't anything i can say that will make her feel better. i've tried. and when that doesn't work, it just pisses me off that she won't take any advice or listen to what i am saying and then i go too far and say something i shouldn't and then i have to hang up. it is a bad cycle. i guess i just want her to be happier and not sound like she's about to go postal at work. i have tried to tell her about getting a new job, but she works with her family and she insists that she can't, and that she isn't qualified and all, but i think it is something else. what, i don't know....but something.
it is just hard for me to hear "i fucking hate it here" and "i wish we never moved here" and not take it personally to some extent. but i seem to take everything personally, even when it isn't meant to be said personally. but that is from growing up and how my mother was with me. she blamed me for her depression, anger, bad day and everything else you could ever imagine. my mother is the type where if she isn't talking to you, she doesn't talk to you at all. None of that "Tell M to pass the salt" NO no no. she just ignores your existance. pretends you are dead more or less.
She has ignored my father for over 2 weeks before, and that includes sleeping in separate beds, eating meals separately and like i've said, no talking.
but back to the issue. she fucked me up big time with all her yelling at me and making me feel bad about myself. and now i take everything personally and fuck up my relationship. i need to figure out how to fix this. plus, since i am empathetic (psychically) if someone around me is in a bad mood, it usually rubs off on me. i could be so happy, then talk to someone who is angry or sad and boom! i am too. it really sucks. i have to learn how to know when it is happening so i can control it.
well, lunch is over, i gotta go.
Blessed Be~
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