2003-09-25 - 9:18 a.m.
I think i need a fucking vacation. On my way to work this a.m. i just felt like skipping and driving and driving and driving. I didn't have anywhere i wanted to go, just didn't want to come here. how easy it would be to just stop coming here, just leave without telling anyone. sometimes i want to ruin my life. is that strange? i just feel like it would be easier sometimes. just leave and everything would be okay, although i know it wouldn't. sometimes i feel like i want to go out and find a whole bunch of drugs to take and just go off on a long drug taking expedition, live on the street and generally let my life fall on the way side. it would be so easy. but it's not me. not really. i guess it could have been, but not now. Those times are gone, the times of reckless abandon and no responsibility. no bills, no debt. why did i rush to grow up so much in high school. why didn't i realize how much being an adult sucks? no wonder my parents were always such a pain. they hate working just like i do. they hated not being able to have friends or a life because working sucks all that from you.
i don't even know what i'm saying anymore. everyone probably thinks i'm nuts. i do. but is that a good sign or a bad sign? do crazy people think they are crazy? probably not.
the numbness takes over
so easily
reminding me of days past
but familiar
to me like my hands
hands which look different somehow
older, scarred
like i am
fighting to find a ray of hope
and cling to it
allowing me to recover
heal old wounds that bleed
heal my heart that breaks
at the thought of this
happening again
revealing my true self to all
that wish to see
Arianrhod is the Celtic goddess of the full moon
(or the 'silver wheel'), of reincarnation, and
of the Wheel of the Year. You are mysterious
and serene, yet you can be stubborn and even
cruel.
What Celtic Goddess are You? (With pictures)
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Blessed Be~
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