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2003-09-24 - 1:43 p.m. I'm such an asshole. I keep screwing everything up. This has been the story of my fucking life. It's my fault for every bad thing that happens to me cause i totally bring it on myself. And the really bad thing is that i know when i am doing it and i can't stop myself. i know when i am saying something i shouldn't, but i can't help it. it's like some over ride comes on in my brain and my emotions take over and my intellect goes to shit. and it makes me feel like shit. and my wife probably thinks i am the most selfish person ever to roam this earth and universe. that is how i feel right now. like a big dumb selfish brat. it makes me feel like doing something i shouldn't. it makes me feel like i'm 16 again. i have fought so long and so hard to not feel like this, but it is so easy to slip right back in without realizing it at all. i just wanna cry. whatever. �
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